Never Again
by genderless-but straight
Summary: L and Light go to Hogwarts! find out why! oh and chapter 4 is up so hurry and check it out! this is a new summary. i'm learning.
1. He knows

_**Woot! so this is my first ever actually has a plot story!! hope you like it! oh and there isn't really gonna be any pairings, but if i do decide to, they will most likely be L/Light and Draco/Hermione. but they will only be subtle hints.**_

_**Disclaimer: all i own is a really small college fund jar..........oh and a hat. can't forget the hat.**_

_**grr...my j and u button are acting up. darn you U and J!!!**_

Chapter one:He knows~ 

It was quiet in the small square office. The sun was starting to set and the orange light coming from the windows covered the small room. All in all it was very relaxing. Cornelious Fudge was just about to sip his tea when someone burst into the room.

"We just got news that an underaged wizard used magic outside of school!" Fudge gave the man a weird look. _'and?'_

"Then send them the letter that says 'do it again and you're expelled'. It's not that hard Clayton" _'really. Interns these days.' _

"But he doesn't go to a wizarding school! He's not even registered!" Clayton yelled. _'he really needs to stop yelling...wait. Not registered? Another one!?'_

"Well!?" Clayton urged when Fudge didn't answer.

"He seems to be late into showing his magical abilities."

"Wh-what!? Is that even possible!?"

"Obviously since this is the third one."

"Third one!?"

"He's goning to need a school." Fudge muttered ignoring Clayton. "We sent the other two to some school in South Korea and they can't take anymore."

"Well, how 'bout Hogwarts?" Clayton suggested after he got over the shock. Or what ever was wrong with him.

"It's gonna have to do" Fudge sighed.

"umm..." Clayton said after a few minutes of silence. "Do you want me to send a letter to Hogwarts?"

"No. I have a fealing the old coot already knows."

If there's a place ya gotta get ican get chya there i bet. i'm the map. i'm the map i'm the map if there's a place ya wanna go i'm the one ya need to know. i'm the map. i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map i'm the map. I'M THE MAAAAAP!!!!!

'Holy Shit.' Ligh thought as he looked up from his spot on the floor. A red mark started to fade from his forehead. The whole investigation team looked wide eyed and shocked at what just transpired. Not even 10 minutes ago Light was leaning against the glass case that held the Death Note.

He just had another converstion, with L accusing him, and Light was getting tired of it. He was silently wishing that he cold get to the Death Note and finally take care of L, When the glass surrounding the Death Note just disapeared. Light had slipped and ended up hitting his head on the stand the Note was laying on. Light stood up rubbing his head. He then looked at the man he was handcuffed to with bewilderment.

"What did you do Light-kun?" L accused.

"I-I didn't do anything! I was only leaning against it! I don't know wh-" Light started frantically before he was cut off by some persistent taping.

"It's an owl!" Mastusda cried by the window. When Light went to look, sure enoughe there sat an owl.

"I think something's in its beak. It looks like a letter!" Matsuda yelled as he opened the window.

"Don't-" Soichiro started a little too late. The owl swooped in and perched on a computer. When L walked closer to it it droped the letter and took off out the open window. Criouse, L picked up the letter using his thumb and index finger.

After reading the address, his eyes went wide.

"Intresting" He said while handing it to Light. "It's for you". Supprised, Light took the letter and read.

**Mr. Light Yagami**

**in the highest room**

**in a secluded sky scraper**

**handcuffed to a Mr. L.**

"How did they know!?" Light exclaimed.

"Well, by magic my dear boy."

end of chapter one WOOT!! 

_**ok! so that's chapter one of my first ever actually has a plot story!! and i'm pretty excited about it!! wow it's shorter than i thought it would be. oh well. i just really wanted to cut it off there. it seemed like a good spot.**_

_**so please tell me how it was by your reviews!! seriously review...................and please no flames.**_


	2. A Whole Lot of Stupid

_**Woot!! so here is another chapter!! i would like to thank Anon, queenclara00, Neb er tcher, and Mai Nayme for reviewing!!**_

_**OH and to answer Anons and Mai Nayme's question. Because i can. there. :D actually ever since Dora the Explorer put stars in their shows they have been cutting The Map's song short. So i thought his full song should be somewhere in the world. so why not my fanfiction :D**_

_**Disclaimer:Right now i own 80 dollars!! but thats it. because my 100 dollars had to be put into my savings account. Oh! and my College fund jar now has 10 dollars in it!! yay!! almost there!!**_

on with the story!!!! Chapter Two: A Whole Lot of Stupid 

Light turned around startled. That ended up with him tripping over his feet, which made him turn around some more effectively tangling himself with the chain. He then fell down hitting the stand once again. But this time L came down with him. _'stupid handcuffs'_

This caused Matsuda to have a giggle fit, in which he received a hit to the head and a very deadly glare.

After standing up, and untangling themselves, L looked to see the intruder. He saw a rather old looking man, with a long white beard. He was wearing some long robe like thing. _'looks like a dress' _and he had a weird pointed hat on. His eyes did this weird sparkly thing when he smiled. _'creepy...wait how'd he get in here!?'  
_

"How'd you get in here?" L voiced confused, and a little scared(not that he'll admit it though).

"haha! Well by magic, my dear...boy..." _'Didn't I already say this?' _The man thought a little confused, himself. Not satisfied with his answer L continued.

"What do you mean by magic?"

"hahaha!" The man's eye's twinkled. **(1)**"Well if Yagami-san here would open up his letter, you all will soon find out."

"We don't even know your name!" Light cried. The old man just laughed again.

"Well read the letter! My name is the long and pretty one at the bottom." Not really convinced, Light opened the letter and started reading. He started making weird faces as he kept reading. L, being curious, went right up to him and stared at his face. Almost like he would be able to tell what Light was reading just by looking close enough. And he WAS close. In fact, when Light looked up after he was done, he screamed when he saw that L was less than two inches in front of his face. Then he fell. Again. _'Stupid stand!'  
_

L merely blinked and picked up the letter. He started to read it and finished when Light was done getting over the shock. And when he got a band aid. The stand drew blood this time.

"So you're Albus Dumbledore?" L asked the man.

"Yes"

"And you're the headmaster of this...um...'Magic' school?" Dumbledore nodded in agreement.

"Hogwarts"

"Right. And you're saying that Light-kun is a...magic person?"

"A wizard. And yes. He seems to have shone his magical abilities a little later than normal" The old man stated.

"32%" L said glaring at the young Yagami.

"How much later?" Light asked, ignoring L and his soon to be numerous percents.

"Well, most witches and wizards show their magical abilities before they turn eleven" Light's eyes widened.

"Guess I'm pretty late then."

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold up!" Soichiro exclaimed. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't believe any of this magic crap" The rest of the team nodded.

"I'm afraid that we are going to need to see some proof" L added. Dumbledore smiled and nodded his head.

"Ok then, how about we multi-task? I will show you some magic and we can get you your school supplies. That is, if you decide to come." Light looked to his father and shrugged.

"It seems interesting." _'and i already have Mikami and Misa being Kira for a while' _His father shrugged back.

"I could always tell your mother that you are doing this foreign exchange program." L didn't seem too happy though.

"I'm sorry but the only way I am going to allow Light-kun to go with you is if I remain Handcuffed to him" L stated. Light looked at L with an 'omg u did NOT!' look.**(2)  
**

"Ryuzaki are you insane!?" Light yelled. "This is a school! They're gonna think somethings up if I show up with a creepy man handcuffed to me! And I really don't want them to know I'm a Kira suspect!" L narrowed his eyes.

"33%" Before Light had the chance to kill L, Dumbledore decided it was a good time to cut in.

"Well if you want to L-san, you can become kind of like a teachers helper. You could help teach Defense Against the Dark Arts with Professor Lupin. He's actually going to help you, Light-san, to find your school things". L seemed to think about it and then finally agreed.

"Ah good then!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "Now we can go and get your school stuff, and I can show you some magic! Is there a fireplace around here?"

"No. Highly unsafe. Anything could get in." L stated. _'Probably thinks that Santa's gonna kidnap him. paranoid freak.'  
_

"Ah! Well then, even better" Dumbledore said. He then took out a stick, waved it around and started muttering something that sounded like latin. In less then 2 minutes a fire place appeared next to the couch. Matsuda screamed, rather girlishly, and jumped back.

"Now I believe in magic" Light stated. _'oooh, who knows what i can do with this power! Well besides conjuring up fireplaces.'  
_

Put a banana in your ear!! just put a ripe banana into your favorite ear. it's true. so true. the bad of the world is hard to hear if in your ear a banana cheers. so go and put a banana in your ear!!!

"Well I'm off!" Lupin cried as he started to walk out the front door.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Harry asked confused with his professor's actions. Lupin smiled at the young wizard.

"Dumbledore asked me to pick up someone in Diagon Alley. Apparently a new student."

"Why does he need you to do it?" Hermione asked.

"Well he seems to be about ya'lls age. Maybe a little older. He was late in showing his magical powers." The Golden trios eyes widened.

"I've heard about that happening, but only once! And that was years ago!" The young witch said.

"Yeah well this is the third one this year actually." Hermione's mouth dropped open in even more surprise.

"Well anyway, I'm off!! Oh! And he's going to be staying with us so he can catch up on the lessons he has missed. About 5 years worth actually." And with that the werewolf was off. Leaving the three students with looks of surprise.

"He better not be a freak" Ron stated. He then recieved a hit to the head and a glare. _'ow! stupid Hermione!'  
_

end of chapter 2!!!! yes!!!! :D 

_**Woot!! So there goes a second chapter of my first actually has a plot story!! yay!! hope ya'll liked it!!**_

_**and this one was a bit longer too!! yay!!**_

_**(1) actually i forgot what i was gonna put here. oh well. Dumbledore is a very Jolly man. Kinda like Santa Clause. only NOT!!**_

_**(2)I know there is a name for this kinda look but i couldn't think of it. it's kinda like an opened mouth glare with a hint of suprise.**_

_**Review!!! Because that's how i finished this chapter!!!**_


	3. Wow this was short

_**w00t!!! another chapter done!!! though i wasn't motivated.(hint need reveiws hint) oh and srry it's so short.**_

_**Disclaimer: i. own. Batman. well no not really.......but i do own this fic (wich you need to reveiw....don't look at me like that!! you know who you are!!)**_

_**Wow this was short.**_

oooooooonnnnnnnnnn to the fic!!!! w00t!!!! :D 

Lupin sighed as he walked into The Leaky Cauldron. He remembered Dumbledore saying that he would probably end up getting a teachers helper also. The werewolf wasn't too pleased at having a detective and a murder suspect in the Headquarters much less in Hogwarts. He really couldn't understand the old wizards reasoning.

And worst of all he couldn't even tell Harry. Who knows what danger Harry and his friends could be in with a supposed murderer. Lupin sighed once more. _'This is NOT going to be a good year.'_

"THUD!!!" Lupin jumped up and twirled around**(1) **and faced the fireplace.

i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves. everybody's nerves. everybody's nerves. i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes. i know a song that gets on everyb-**SHUT UP!!! MY GAWD YOU'RE ANNOYING!!!**..............srry.......AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!! I KNOW A SONG THAT-*died of heart attack*** *evil giggle...i mean chuckle*  
**

"Well now" Dumbledore said facing L and Light. "All you have to do is throw in this powder" he holds up a bag of powder. "And say, very clearly, 'Leaky Cauldron' oh and we should do away with those." and with a flick of his wooden stick the handcuffs where gone.

L freaked out, and practically had a mini seizure, and quickly grabbed Light's arm with a killer grip. _'i knew it was a plot to escape!! 87%!!!'  
_

"I trust you both know English?" They both nodded. L was a genius obviously, and Light was top in his English class. He was pretty fluent.

"Good. Now who's first?" Dumbledore asked innocently. Seeing their hesitation the wizard threw in some powder, somehow dislodged L's hand, picked him up**(2)**, and threw him into the now green fire while saying The Leaky Cauldron.

The old man looked up and smiled at the youngest member, who gulped, took some powder, threw it in. He then looked back, nodded a silent farewell and jumped into the green flames while yelling The Leaky Cauldron.

Dumbledore soon followed. The room then had a pregnant pause.(but then it had to get rushed to the hospital for it's water broke)**(3)  
**

"Does that mean I'm L now!?" Matsuda yelled looking quite hopeful. The team shrugged.

"Sure." Soichiro said.

that's all of chapter 3!!!! srry it's so short!!!! but if you reviewed................ 

_**SO that's the end of Chapter three!! it would have been up faster but i wasn't motivated. mainly because i only got two reveiws for the last chapter!! (which i appreciate you two by the way) **_

_**it also would have been longer, but i wanted to rant about all the hits i was getting but no reviews.... please reveiw!!!! if you do i promise a much longer chapter next time!! and it will be longer!!**_

_**You know i'm actually trying really hard not to make this a crack fic......but it's so hard.......**_

**(1)**_**because while also being a werewolf, Remus Lupin is a professional ballerina.**_

**(2)**_**Dumbledore bench presses with the bowflexs. just so you know. he's got a 27 pack under those robes. **_

**(3)**_**It had twin boys by the way.**_


	4. nampershtick flemington shnock

_**Chapter Four!!! how great am I? answer:amazing!! anyway this is a little longer(i think) then the last chapter. And even though you probably can't tell, when i started this fic i WAS actually trying to make it a serious fic with a little humor, now i have too much humor and not enough Sirius (but he might not be dead...i haven't decided)**_

_**Disclaimer:pfft!! i actually DO own Death Note AND Harry Potter. Why? because i wrote my name on my T.V. and my laptop, so now every time any of those two come on my name is all over it!! so it's mine!! muahahaha!!!~.....you know what...they can have it back, it's actually kinda hard to see what i'm typing with my name on the screen.....oh well it was good while it lasted.**_

_**oh yeah!! there is lyrics to 2 songs separating both parts. Who ever guesses what songs they are (and who they're by and they are by the same band) will...get...a...well nothing...but guess anyway (And Yes this IS in fact a plan to get more reviews. i'm actually even going to accept someone just saying "i read it" and it be a reveiw)**_

_** ( )_( )**_

_** (='.'=)psst!! review!! btw i'm a bunny ain't i cute?**_

_** (")(")**_

**Chapter 4:nampershtick flemington shnock  
**

Lupin looked down in bewilderment at the body that was laying at his feet. It had black messy hair, some plain muggle clothing and dark bags under his eyes. _'oh my gawd!!! zombie!! wait wait...calm down Lupin. If he was a zombie you would be sneizing right now. you know how you're allergic to -'  
_

Before he could finish those comforting thoughts, another body flew out of the portal of flaming deat- i mean the fireplace. It landed right on top of the zombie wannabe. This one however looked more nicely dressed than the last one. So he poked it with his wand.

"...What are you doing Remus?" The werewolf quickly looked up to see the headmaster peering at him underneath his have moon spectacles(also known as glasses).

"uh...n-nothing Albus." Lupin said nervously while quickly standing up. "So i assume that these two are the student and detective you where talking about?" Dumbledore nodded happily.

"Ugh...nampershtick flemington shnock.."**(1)**a body moaned on the ground. The non-zombie wannabe stood up and ignored the zombie wannabe who gradually stood up also.

"Ah! I'm Remus Lupin, I'm the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts. I asume that you are L, is it?" Lupin said while holding his hand out to the nicely dressed kid. The kid just kind of laughed.

"No actually I'm Light Yagami." He said while shaking The proffesors hand.

"I am L" The zombie-_'wait no L'_said. "But i would rather you call me Ryuuga Hideki for safety measures of course" Then ,as if he just remembered something, L grabbed onto Light's arm. Looking a little confused Lupin looked a Light who just shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"Ah, right. Well I guess we should get you your school supplies" Lupin said. "OH! Albus, would-" Lupin started but was stopped when he found that Dumbledore was gone.**(2)** Lupin sighed. _'oh well'_ And off they went to get their stuff.

_I think the postman intercepts everything i'm trying to seeeennnd to you. 'Cause he's infatuated and he's the fulcrum between us two. But i can't say i blame him, 'Cause i'd cheat a priest just to get to you.(guess what song that is!! and who it's by)_

Daigon Alley was huge. Not that Light actually had time to look around. Right after that Remus guy said where the candy shop was, the leach on Lights arm ran off dragging him with it.

"Hey! W-wait!!" Lupin cried as he huffed along behind. "We still have to get school supplies!" After they somehow dragged L out of the candy store, though Light did have to threaten to run away which did raise his percentage, they where able to get most of their stuff.

"Now all you need is a pet, if you want one of course." Lupin said as he turned to Light.

"If there are school owls like you said then I see no reason to get one" Light shrugged.

"Well alright then! Looks like we're done here! Oh and don't worry about much Light. There is a very smart student where we will be staying, so you should catch up on your classes pretty fast."

"Are we going to use a fireplace to get to where we are staying?" L asked still holding on to Lights arm. _'i want to try it without being thrown in this time'_

"No actually we are going to go by portkey."

"What's a Portkey?" Light asked still trying to unlatch L from his arm. _'i swear he superglued himself on'_

"Well just touch this watch" Lupin took out an old wrist watch. "and we'll get there in no time." Hesitantly, L and Light both touched the watch and they suddenly felt a pull on their bellybutton.

_I've met someone that makes me feel sea sick oh what a skill to have oh what a skill to have so many skills it makes her distinctive no they're not mine to have no they're not mine whenever she looks or reads the nearest paper no i don't care bout the soaps no i don't care bout the soaps though i'm acting like i'm in an East Enders episode_

"Aizawa!! Do you want to find Kira!?"

"Yes!! But-"

"Then do as you're told and put that dress on!! We only have thirty minutes of tea time and we don't need YOU ruining our chances!!"

"Matsuda!! That makes no sense!!"

"I'm not Matsuda!! I'm L!! Call me L!! Soichiro!! Your dress is too plain!! Put more bows on it!!" Soichiro sighed. _'once he goes back to being "Matsuda" he is soo going to be my slave.....the non kinky kind..'  
_

_...............End Of Chapter Four!!....it was gonna be longer, but then i got lazy..._

_**Yay!! i got it done!! now review!! **_

**(1)this ruffly translates to "wow genderless-but straight, people should review this more" and it was said by the little elf that L and Light fell on.**

**(2)He went to go and work out with Watari. They be buff.**

**Now remember kids(and adults or teenagers....and perhaps old people) reviewing makes the world go round and the chapters up faster.**


End file.
